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    Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

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    socalshakin

    Posts : 344
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Age : 36
    Location : Oxnard, CA

    Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  socalshakin on Sat 06 Mar 2010, 8:16 pm

    How do you let go of someone you love so much, who keeps hurting you over and over again?

    I seem to be a glutton for punishment, because I keep allowing my ex to take advantage of me and hurt me.

    I know I am the stupid one, for continuing to allow him to live with me.. With me doing things for things for him and still acting like his girlfriend.. But, he's doing the same with me, except every few weeks to a month, he replies to Craigslist ads and signs up for sex and dating sites.. because he wants to meet someone new, because he hasn't known anyone but me intimately in 5 years. Why did I make the mistake of dating someone so young and emotionally immature?

    He says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, but he says he doesn't want to be without me. Great, WTF does that mean? You want to have your cake and eat it too?? Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad

    I can't stand the pain I'm going through with this vicious cycle, yet I don't know if I can stand the pain of letting him go by telling him to get out of my life if I'm not what he wants.

    I wouldn't be losing much financially by letting him go, but I won't have a car to get to work, and my credit is so terrible that I can't get a car on my own and I don't have anything saved to put down for one.

    I have a car I use right now, but it's his. He is willing to sign it over to me, but I need $400 to keep it. The registration is expired from last year, and now this year and I need to get it to pass smog. I can't afford a car payment, so a new car or used car really isn't an option.

    I would never ask any of you for money or help, but if there is anyway anyone can help me, I'd be forever grateful.... If anyone here has a car they don't need or know someone who does who is willing to give it away to someone really needing it, please let me know. Just having supoprt from everyone would be great. I'm feeling so alone and really down right now.

    I'm not worried so much about the finances or the car, as I am about my heart and whether I'm going to be OK on the other side of this.

    I need a new car and a new man. Well, the car is an immediate need, the man can wait since I'm in no place to date anyone else yet.
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    geenee

    Posts : 263
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Location : Near Mt. St. Helens

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  geenee on Sat 06 Mar 2010, 9:01 pm

    socalshakin wrote:How do you let go of someone you love so much, who keeps hurting you over and over again?

    I seem to be a glutton for punishment, because I keep allowing my ex to take advantage of me and hurt me.

    I know I am the stupid one, for continuing to allow him to live with me.. With me doing things for things for him and still acting like his girlfriend.. But, he's doing the same with me, except every few weeks to a month, he replies to Craigslist ads and signs up for sex and dating sites.. because he wants to meet someone new, because he hasn't known anyone but me intimately in 5 years. Why did I make the mistake of dating someone so young and emotionally immature?

    He says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, but he says he doesn't want to be without me. Great, WTF does that mean? You want to have your cake and eat it too?? Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad

    I can't stand the pain I'm going through with this vicious cycle, yet I don't know if I can stand the pain of letting him go by telling him to get out of my life if I'm not what he wants.

    I wouldn't be losing much financially by letting him go, but I won't have a car to get to work, and my credit is so terrible that I can't get a car on my own and I don't have anything saved to put down for one.

    I have a car I use right now, but it's his. He is willing to sign it over to me, but I need $400 to keep it. The registration is expired from last year, and now this year and I need to get it to pass smog. I can't afford a car payment, so a new car or used car really isn't an option.

    I would never ask any of you for money or help, but if there is anyway anyone can help me, I'd be forever grateful.... If anyone here has a car they don't need or know someone who does who is willing to give it away to someone really needing it, please let me know. Just having supoprt from everyone would be great. I'm feeling so alone and really down right now.

    I'm not worried so much about the finances or the car, as I am about my heart and whether I'm going to be OK on the other side of this.

    I need a new car and a new man. Well, the car is an immediate need, the man can wait since I'm in no place to date anyone else yet.
    Wow girl sorry to hear about your predicament. I went through something similar 10 years ago only I was married to him. He had a double personality almost. I loved the one side the other was abusive. I hung on so long it was pathetic! 10 years later I still love him. My heart was so hurt that I don't feel I can fully love with my whole heart again. (even though I am remarried). Some people can just simply move on. I have never been one of them. I think maybe because I did put 15 years in with this man. He told me he would go to his grave loving me. I divorced him and moved on but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. You have to reach inside and pull out your strength and courage to do this because there IS someone else out there who is waiting for you. Someone who will love you for who you are just the way you are. I never thought I would find someone who loves me so completely. He loves me more than I love him. Do some research on good old google regarding Codependence. Thats the issue with both of you. Codependence makes you stay with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It's usually based out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of never finding someone else, fear of being left without a vehicle. Regarding the car issue I would like to donate some money towards your car fund. I would like to challenge everyone reading this to pitch in to help one of our own here who really needs the help. I was in your situation once so I know how it feels. My ex left me without a vehicle with 3 children. So set up a bank account or a p.o. and let us know. Praying for you SS!
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    socalshakin

    Posts : 344
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Age : 36
    Location : Oxnard, CA

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  socalshakin on Sat 06 Mar 2010, 10:08 pm

    geenee wrote:
    socalshakin wrote:How do you let go of someone you love so much, who keeps hurting you over and over again?

    I seem to be a glutton for punishment, because I keep allowing my ex to take advantage of me and hurt me.

    I know I am the stupid one, for continuing to allow him to live with me.. With me doing things for things for him and still acting like his girlfriend.. But, he's doing the same with me, except every few weeks to a month, he replies to Craigslist ads and signs up for sex and dating sites.. because he wants to meet someone new, because he hasn't known anyone but me intimately in 5 years. Why did I make the mistake of dating someone so young and emotionally immature?

    He says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, but he says he doesn't want to be without me. Great, WTF does that mean? You want to have your cake and eat it too?? Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad

    I can't stand the pain I'm going through with this vicious cycle, yet I don't know if I can stand the pain of letting him go by telling him to get out of my life if I'm not what he wants.

    I wouldn't be losing much financially by letting him go, but I won't have a car to get to work, and my credit is so terrible that I can't get a car on my own and I don't have anything saved to put down for one.

    I have a car I use right now, but it's his. He is willing to sign it over to me, but I need $400 to keep it. The registration is expired from last year, and now this year and I need to get it to pass smog. I can't afford a car payment, so a new car or used car really isn't an option.

    I would never ask any of you for money or help, but if there is anyway anyone can help me, I'd be forever grateful.... If anyone here has a car they don't need or know someone who does who is willing to give it away to someone really needing it, please let me know. Just having supoprt from everyone would be great. I'm feeling so alone and really down right now.

    I'm not worried so much about the finances or the car, as I am about my heart and whether I'm going to be OK on the other side of this.

    I need a new car and a new man. Well, the car is an immediate need, the man can wait since I'm in no place to date anyone else yet.
    Wow girl sorry to hear about your predicament. I went through something similar 10 years ago only I was married to him. He had a double personality almost. I loved the one side the other was abusive. I hung on so long it was pathetic! 10 years later I still love him. My heart was so hurt that I don't feel I can fully love with my whole heart again. (even though I am remarried). Some people can just simply move on. I have never been one of them. I think maybe because I did put 15 years in with this man. He told me he would go to his grave loving me. I divorced him and moved on but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. You have to reach inside and pull out your strength and courage to do this because there IS someone else out there who is waiting for you. Someone who will love you for who you are just the way you are. I never thought I would find someone who loves me so completely. He loves me more than I love him. Do some research on good old google regarding Codependence. Thats the issue with both of you. Codependence makes you stay with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It's usually based out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of never finding someone else, fear of being left without a vehicle. Regarding the car issue I would like to donate some money towards your car fund. I would like to challenge everyone reading this to pitch in to help one of our own here who really needs the help. I was in your situation once so I know how it feels. My ex left me without a vehicle with 3 children. So set up a bank account or a p.o. and let us know. Praying for you SS!

    Geenee, that is exactly what it is.. Codependence.

    I used to be so independent. I crossed the country on my own on a bus when I was 17 to start life on my own 3,000 miles away from home. I then met a guy 2 months into living in L.A. and 2 years later got married and after that is when the codependency started. He cheated on me through our marriage, we went through counseling and I tried to make it work for about a year and a half after he confessed his cheating. I was out with a coworker of mine who was in a bad marriage, and she and I went to a bar. We met some guys there, and I did something I regret to this day since I was still married, but separated. My stupidity and drunkeness had me put a hotel room that night on my credit card, which was a joint account with my ex. I told him I was staying with my Mom for a few days, so when he saw the charge on the bill, he called me and I told him we needed to drap up papers.

    Going through that change, was so difficult. I had to go back home to my husband, after being with another man and I felt so wrong for doing so, even though it opened my eyes and gave me the push I needed to get out of that abusive marriage. He was verbally, mentally and occasionally physically abusive to me. Without warning, I had my parents show up and moved everything out from our house and we never spoke again. He was my best friend, and in an instant it was gone. I think I'm fearful of losing that again, but luckily I'm not married this time and the house is mine although it's rented.

    Then after being single for about a year and living on my own (in which I did SO many amazing things! Went to Vegas a few times, went to Mexico spontaneously, went to Mammoth every month it seemed!) I met the guy I've been with for the last 4 1/2-5 years. We both fell head over heels and moved in together quickly. Bad mistake. This one though, has been the absolute bestest friend I've ever had and vice versa which makes it so hard. We both know it could be the end of our amazing friendship and something we probably won't find with anyone else.

    I don't know exactly where I lost the independence, but I need to find it again. I know it sounds like I'm crazy, and maybe I am. I often hate meeting new people because I don't like opening up to people as they often hurt me. I'm too trusting and give too much of myself too soon and then I get hurt. I've literally had 10 years of bad relationships, since I've been 18 and it's like I don't know how to live outside of one.

    I've lost almost all of the friends I've had through distancing myself over the years and now that I need someone, I don't have anyone. Other than my Mom, but it's not like she's right here in town where I can just run over there when I need to. Or call at 1am when I'm really feeling like I'm losing it.

    I am so thankful that you'd be willing to contribute towards my car fund Crying or Very sad

    I'll see I can't get a PalPal account set up or something and let you know.
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    geenee

    Posts : 263
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Location : Near Mt. St. Helens

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  geenee on Sat 06 Mar 2010, 10:23 pm

    socalshakin wrote:
    geenee wrote:
    socalshakin wrote:How do you let go of someone you love so much, who keeps hurting you over and over again?

    I seem to be a glutton for punishment, because I keep allowing my ex to take advantage of me and hurt me.

    I know I am the stupid one, for continuing to allow him to live with me.. With me doing things for things for him and still acting like his girlfriend.. But, he's doing the same with me, except every few weeks to a month, he replies to Craigslist ads and signs up for sex and dating sites.. because he wants to meet someone new, because he hasn't known anyone but me intimately in 5 years. Why did I make the mistake of dating someone so young and emotionally immature?

    He says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, but he says he doesn't want to be without me. Great, WTF does that mean? You want to have your cake and eat it too?? Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad

    I can't stand the pain I'm going through with this vicious cycle, yet I don't know if I can stand the pain of letting him go by telling him to get out of my life if I'm not what he wants.

    I wouldn't be losing much financially by letting him go, but I won't have a car to get to work, and my credit is so terrible that I can't get a car on my own and I don't have anything saved to put down for one.

    I have a car I use right now, but it's his. He is willing to sign it over to me, but I need $400 to keep it. The registration is expired from last year, and now this year and I need to get it to pass smog. I can't afford a car payment, so a new car or used car really isn't an option.

    I would never ask any of you for money or help, but if there is anyway anyone can help me, I'd be forever grateful.... If anyone here has a car they don't need or know someone who does who is willing to give it away to someone really needing it, please let me know. Just having supoprt from everyone would be great. I'm feeling so alone and really down right now.

    I'm not worried so much about the finances or the car, as I am about my heart and whether I'm going to be OK on the other side of this.

    I need a new car and a new man. Well, the car is an immediate need, the man can wait since I'm in no place to date anyone else yet.
    Wow girl sorry to hear about your predicament. I went through something similar 10 years ago only I was married to him. He had a double personality almost. I loved the one side the other was abusive. I hung on so long it was pathetic! 10 years later I still love him. My heart was so hurt that I don't feel I can fully love with my whole heart again. (even though I am remarried). Some people can just simply move on. I have never been one of them. I think maybe because I did put 15 years in with this man. He told me he would go to his grave loving me. I divorced him and moved on but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. You have to reach inside and pull out your strength and courage to do this because there IS someone else out there who is waiting for you. Someone who will love you for who you are just the way you are. I never thought I would find someone who loves me so completely. He loves me more than I love him. Do some research on good old google regarding Codependence. Thats the issue with both of you. Codependence makes you stay with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It's usually based out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of never finding someone else, fear of being left without a vehicle. Regarding the car issue I would like to donate some money towards your car fund. I would like to challenge everyone reading this to pitch in to help one of our own here who really needs the help. I was in your situation once so I know how it feels. My ex left me without a vehicle with 3 children. So set up a bank account or a p.o. and let us know. Praying for you SS!

    Geenee, that is exactly what it is.. Codependence.

    I used to be so independent. I crossed the country on my own on a bus when I was 17 to start life on my own 3,000 miles away from home. I then met a guy 2 months into living in L.A. and 2 years later got married and after that is when the codependency started. He cheated on me through our marriage, we went through counseling and I tried to make it work for about a year and a half after he confessed his cheating. I was out with a coworker of mine who was in a bad marriage, and she and I went to a bar. We met some guys there, and I did something I regret to this day since I was still married, but separated. My stupidity and drunkeness had me put a hotel room that night on my credit card, which was a joint account with my ex. I told him I was staying with my Mom for a few days, so when he saw the charge on the bill, he called me and I told him we needed to drap up papers.

    Going through that change, was so difficult. I had to go back home to my husband, after being with another man and I felt so wrong for doing so, even though it opened my eyes and gave me the push I needed to get out of that abusive marriage. He was verbally, mentally and occasionally physically abusive to me. Without warning, I had my parents show up and moved everything out from our house and we never spoke again. He was my best friend, and in an instant it was gone. I think I'm fearful of losing that again, but luckily I'm not married this time and the house is mine although it's rented.

    Then after being single for about a year and living on my own (in which I did SO many amazing things! Went to Vegas a few times, went to Mexico spontaneously, went to Mammoth every month it seemed!) I met the guy I've been with for the last 4 1/2-5 years. We both fell head over heels and moved in together quickly. Bad mistake. This one though, has been the absolute bestest friend I've ever had and vice versa which makes it so hard. We both know it could be the end of our amazing friendship and something we probably won't find with anyone else.

    I don't know exactly where I lost the independence, but I need to find it again. I know it sounds like I'm crazy, and maybe I am. I often hate meeting new people because I don't like opening up to people as they often hurt me. I'm too trusting and give too much of myself too soon and then I get hurt. I've literally had 10 years of bad relationships, since I've been 18 and it's like I don't know how to live outside of one.

    I've lost almost all of the friends I've had through distancing myself over the years and now that I need someone, I don't have anyone. Other than my Mom, but it's not like she's right here in town where I can just run over there when I need to. Or call at 1am when I'm really feeling like I'm losing it.

    I am so thankful that you'd be willing to contribute towards my car fund Crying or Very sad

    I'll see I can't get a PalPal account set up or something and let you know.
    I was single for 10 years. Through that time I learned and grew and counseled and healed. A person really needs to be alone to heal. You have to go through the healing process. Similar to grieving a death or divorce but maybe not as severe.
    7 Stages of Grief...

    1. SHOCK & DENIAL-

    You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

    2. PAIN & GUILT-

    As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. Youmay have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

    3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
    Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
    You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

    4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
    Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
    During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

    5. THE UPWARD TURN-
    As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

    6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
    As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

    7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
    During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
    You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
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    Grits

    Posts : 226
    Join date : 2010-02-21
    Age : 63
    Location : Alabama

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  Grits on Sun 07 Mar 2010, 3:48 pm

    socalshakin,

    I empathize with your situation. I don't have any money to donate right now and I'm too far away to help, but I did want to make you aware that there are organizations that donate cars to folks in need.

    Here are a few links:

    http://www.800charitycars.org/whocanapply.htm

    http://www.cardonation-usa.com/free-cars-for-the-needy.php

    http://www.carangel.com/

    http://www.onlinecardonation.org/car-donation-california.htm

    These are just a few. I'm sure if you contact one of the agencies they may be able to help you.

    God Bless!
    Smile
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    sherryjeffries

    Posts : 74
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Age : 54
    Location : Phoenix

    I'll pitch in 20.00. I'd take him up on the car for 400.00.

    Post  sherryjeffries on Sun 07 Mar 2010, 6:02 pm

    Does the car run all right? A quick trip to a mechanic for a tune up will probably get it to pass smog. They have ways to adjust it so it will pass. If it runs all right, get the dam thing, it will run long enough for you to save up for another one. I have lived with a guy for 25 year who used to work and contribute to the house, then as I made more money he gave me less and less until he doesn't pitch in a all anymore and I carry his butt. I have no way out because I do love him, but he is a ass and doesn't like me to go out with friends, or anything. I've finally reached a point where I don't care.

    Hey, is it your computer? Add a password and don't give it to him. Also tell him if you find out he's been looking for a new love then he can look for a new place.

    Sounds to me like you don't need a new man you need time off from one. I'm the one to talk! I actually moved into the guest room because I can't handle the snoring, and the tv being turned on in the middle of the night because he can't sleep. I need sleep if I am going to go to work to run the household.

    Anyway, I'll be willing to pitch in what I can. A junker will hold you over for a while. Your such a young thing, and pretty, you would have no problem getting a new man. But, be careful what you ask for. Take time for yourself first.
    avatar
    socalshakin

    Posts : 344
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Age : 36
    Location : Oxnard, CA

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  socalshakin on Sun 07 Mar 2010, 6:31 pm

    Grits wrote:socalshakin,

    I empathize with your situation. I don't have any money to donate right now and I'm too far away to help, but I did want to make you aware that there are organizations that donate cars to folks in need.

    Here are a few links:

    http://www.800charitycars.org/whocanapply.htm

    http://www.cardonation-usa.com/free-cars-for-the-needy.php

    http://www.carangel.com/

    http://www.onlinecardonation.org/car-donation-california.htm

    These are just a few. I'm sure if you contact one of the agencies they may be able to help you.

    God Bless!
    Smile

    Thank you so much for that info! I wasn't aware of any of those organizations and I will check them out today.

    As for the car I currently have running OK, it's an older Mercedes that was salvaged I believe. It's got a lot of work to be done on it. It has no heat or air. Real fun for the winter and the summer. The water pump went on it last year and since he works at at family mechanic shop, I was able to get it fixed for nothing. There's other issues too like the alignment and other cosmetic and electrical things, but it runs pretty good and gets me to and from work and that's all I need. I think the part he said I needed was a catalytic converter or something in order to pass the smog and since it's a Mercedes, the parts are German and very expensive.

    I also think I'm going to look into a part time job at night for a few nights a week after work to try and put away everything I make from that job for a new car. I guess my plan is to get the registration taken care of on this one right now and then save for a new one.

    After a night of long, hard thinking, I think this is the best decision. Also, after a long talk with him last night we came to a few decisions about us. Yes, we broke up, but we never took time apart when that happened. I told him I think that we both need space and time alone to regroup our thoughts and maybe that would help us in figuring out what we both want for ourselves.

    Time apart will put things in perspective for him and I might just decide I don't want to deal with this anymore, as I shouldn't have to put up with this. I'm better than that.

    The road ahead will be bumpy, but I know I'll make it through it and come out a better, stronger person on the other side.

    Thank you all for your support and advice. It means a lot to me!
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    sherryjeffries

    Posts : 74
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Age : 54
    Location : Phoenix

    Socal, take care

    Post  sherryjeffries on Mon 08 Mar 2010, 3:23 am

    We don't know you personally, but for you to step up and open this forum for us, then find out you are one of our youngest, is a breath of fresh air for us. We admire you and respect you for you. You are a smart person and I feel you will have no trouble getting a job. Why part time? Do you have kids? Go for the gusto!

    My mom had a plaque given to her: Just when your apples are ripe, is when they start going rotten.

    I turned it around and said, just when the fruit is falling, is when the tree begins to blossom.

    Take it either way.

    Get it registered, and start looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.
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    socalshakin

    Posts : 344
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Age : 36
    Location : Oxnard, CA

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  socalshakin on Mon 08 Mar 2010, 4:19 am

    Part time because I already work a full time job at 40+ hours a week.

    I've been working full time and supporting both of us for the last 5 years, and even though he doesn't bring in much, I will need the extra $400 a month to try and balance things out and to save up some money.

    Thank you for your kind words Smile I'm too humble to think of something to say other than that Smile Embarassed
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    melinda

    Posts : 182
    Join date : 2010-02-22
    Age : 57
    Location : north carolina

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  melinda on Tue 09 Mar 2010, 3:33 am

    ~socal~

    you are younger than my 33 year old daughter, she has found herself in the same sort of pickle!

    broken up with her current friend...yet, both depending upon one another financially.

    well, i know women my age who put of with terrible abuse for the same reason.

    so you ain't doin' so bad Surprised)

    i like your plan....i love how balanced you are Surprised)

    no...everything is not fricaseed in your life!!

    you are smart, intelligent, balanced, wise, self sufficient in important ways,
    beautiful, young, i could go on...but, you get my drift.

    some day..you shall be financially self sufficient...as well as be with your 'love of life'

    i see this with my eye.

    ya may own a business or something of that sort.

    you rock! katelynne

    fer sure

    {{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}
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    sherryjeffries

    Posts : 74
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Age : 54
    Location : Phoenix

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  sherryjeffries on Wed 10 Mar 2010, 12:11 am

    Once you are on your own it will actually be a lot cheaper to live without having to support another person. Lower utilities,lower food bill etc.
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    Conch23

    Posts : 155
    Join date : 2010-02-18
    Location : Lake La

    Beginnings .. I pulled an angel card for you and it was beginnings. let go of the old and familiar~so the new can come in

    Post  Conch23 on Wed 10 Mar 2010, 3:03 am

    socalshakin wrote:How do you let go of someone you love so much, who keeps hurting you over and over again?

    I seem to be a glutton for punishment, because I keep allowing my ex to take advantage of me and hurt me.

    I know I am the stupid one, for continuing to allow him to live with me.. With me doing things for things for him and still acting like his girlfriend.. But, he's doing the same with me, except every few weeks to a month, he replies to Craigslist ads and signs up for sex and dating sites.. because he wants to meet someone new, because he hasn't known anyone but me intimately in 5 years. Why did I make the mistake of dating someone so young and emotionally immature?

    He says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, but he says he doesn't want to be without me. Great, WTF does that mean? You want to have your cake and eat it too?? Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad

    I can't stand the pain I'm going through with this vicious cycle, yet I don't know if I can stand the pain of letting him go by telling him to get out of my life if I'm not what he wants.

    I wouldn't be losing much financially by letting him go, but I won't have a car to get to work, and my credit is so terrible that I can't get a car on my own and I don't have anything saved to put down for one.

    I have a car I use right now, but it's his. He is willing to sign it over to me, but I need $400 to keep it. The registration is expired from last year, and now this year and I need to get it to pass smog. I can't afford a car payment, so a new car or used car really isn't an option.

    I would never ask any of you for money or help, but if there is anyway anyone can help me, I'd be forever grateful.... If anyone here has a car they don't need or know someone who does who is willing to give it away to someone really needing it, please let me know. Just having supoprt from everyone would be great. I'm feeling so alone and really down right now.

    I'm not worried so much about the finances or the car, as I am about my heart and whether I'm going to be OK on the other side of this.

    I need a new car and a new man. Well, the car is an immediate need, the man can wait since I'm in no place to date anyone else yet.

    Life is a cycle and you are at the end of one and beginning of a new one. You are a smart strong intuitive loving person. The person you are with is only holding you back. There are new experiences and people coming into your life let go and free yourself. You are already being helped allow it to happen. Have faith. You have so much support seen and unseen. Do not be afraid. Think of what you desire and not what you fear. Trust. Remember Blessings come in all forms.
    Your sense of adventure & imagination will help you to open, channel and focus your power, energy & wisdom for the greater good, today and always. Stay grounded. Know that you are surrounded by light and loved by many.
    love and light~ S

    Jean/OR

    Posts : 20
    Join date : 2010-02-18

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  Jean/OR on Sat 13 Mar 2010, 4:27 am

    Hi SCS,
    Been where you are, but for much longer. Everything hurt until I read the book, "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them", then instead of hurt I got angry, for having been used and mistreated. Been single now for a long time, don't know if any Mr. Right is coming along, but I'm loving life. Back to being my real self and not taking punishment for whatever or whoever that other person was. Don't be offended guys, the men who hate women are a special type and have their own methods of keeping women under their thumb, or "in their place".
    SoCalShakin, you are a wonderful and complete person, you jumped in and provided us this place to land when we suddenly lost our home. Strike out and realize that you can make up some of that $400 per month, by not supporting the stay at home partner.
    No offense intended, just relaying my experience. Blessings to you and I'll go light a candle for your good health, prosperity and loving support...how's that?
    Jean/OR
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    geenee

    Posts : 263
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Location : Near Mt. St. Helens

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  geenee on Sat 13 Mar 2010, 4:39 am

    Jean/OR wrote:Hi SCS,
    Been where you are, but for much longer. Everything hurt until I read the book, "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them", then instead of hurt I got angry, for having been used and mistreated. Been single now for a long time, don't know if any Mr. Right is coming along, but I'm loving life. Back to being my real self and not taking punishment for whatever or whoever that other person was. Don't be offended guys, the men who hate women are a special type and have their own methods of keeping women under their thumb, or "in their place".
    SoCalShakin, you are a wonderful and complete person, you jumped in and provided us this place to land when we suddenly lost our home. Strike out and realize that you can make up some of that $400 per month, by not supporting the stay at home partner.
    No offense intended, just relaying my experience. Blessings to you and I'll go light a candle for your good health, prosperity and loving support...how's that?
    Jean/OR
    Hi Jean, I read that book also and that is one of the things that woke me up. Good book. I also read Codependant No More. Even after I read those books it took time to really get it into my spirit and walk through it. geenee
    avatar
    Karin in wa

    Posts : 77
    Join date : 2010-02-18
    Age : 61
    Location : Port Townsend wa

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  Karin in wa on Wed 28 Apr 2010, 3:20 am

    socalshakin wrote:How do you let go of someone you love so much, who keeps hurting you over and over again?

    I seem to be a glutton for punishment, because I keep allowing my ex to take advantage of me and hurt me.

    I know I am the stupid one, for continuing to allow him to live with me.. With me doing things for things for him and still acting like his girlfriend.. But, he's doing the same with me, except every few weeks to a month, he replies to Craigslist ads and signs up for sex and dating sites.. because he wants to meet someone new, because he hasn't known anyone but me intimately in 5 years. Why did I make the mistake of dating someone so young and emotionally immature?

    He says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, but he says he doesn't want to be without me. Great, WTF does that mean? You want to have your cake and eat it too?? Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad

    I can't stand the pain I'm going through with this vicious cycle, yet I don't know if I can stand the pain of letting him go by telling him to get out of my life if I'm not what he wants.

    I wouldn't be losing much financially by letting him go, but I won't have a car to get to work, and my credit is so terrible that I can't get a car on my own and I don't have anything saved to put down for one.

    I have a car I use right now, but it's his. He is willing to sign it over to me, but I need $400 to keep it. The registration is expired from last year, and now this year and I need to get it to pass smog. I can't afford a car payment, so a new car or used car really isn't an option.

    I would never ask any of you for money or help, but if there is anyway anyone can help me, I'd be forever grateful.... If anyone here has a car they don't need or know someone who does who is willing to give it away to someone really needing it, please let me know. Just having supoprt from everyone would be great. I'm feeling so alone and really down right now.

    I'm not worried so much about the finances or the car, as I am about my heart and whether I'm going to be OK on the other side of this.

    I need a new car and a new man. Well, the car is an immediate need, the man can wait since I'm in no place to date anyone else yet.


    You are not the stupid one. You were trying to be nice and got taken advantage of, goin through the same thing here.
    Husband had a heat stroke three years ago and I took care of him the whole time even though I am disabled myself.
    (you may remember my rant on the boards at the time)
    Dealt with the morons at work, L&I, the hospitals drs etc.
    He is now having an affair and I do not believe that it is the first time.
    The problem for him now is she sent me a text by accident (maybe) and now he is busted.
    As soon as I can afford it I will file for divorce.
    He has a gambling problem as well and spent 8 months in jail for leaving our son home alone when I was at work.

    Honestly I would appreciate prayers that he just goes away, I have been dealing with this for 14 years and I am totally finsihed.
    Thanks in advance
    Karin

    queen
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    Polly, AZ

    Posts : 241
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Location : Sedona, AZ

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  Polly, AZ on Wed 28 Apr 2010, 3:42 am

    Karin in wa wrote:
    socalshakin wrote:How do you let go of someone you love so much, who keeps hurting you over and over again?

    I seem to be a glutton for punishment, because I keep allowing my ex to take advantage of me and hurt me.

    I know I am the stupid one, for continuing to allow him to live with me.. With me doing things for things for him and still acting like his girlfriend.. But, he's doing the same with me, except every few weeks to a month, he replies to Craigslist ads and signs up for sex and dating sites.. because he wants to meet someone new, because he hasn't known anyone but me intimately in 5 years. Why did I make the mistake of dating someone so young and emotionally immature?

    He says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, but he says he doesn't want to be without me. Great, WTF does that mean? You want to have your cake and eat it too?? Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad

    I can't stand the pain I'm going through with this vicious cycle, yet I don't know if I can stand the pain of letting him go by telling him to get out of my life if I'm not what he wants.

    I wouldn't be losing much financially by letting him go, but I won't have a car to get to work, and my credit is so terrible that I can't get a car on my own and I don't have anything saved to put down for one.

    I have a car I use right now, but it's his. He is willing to sign it over to me, but I need $400 to keep it. The registration is expired from last year, and now this year and I need to get it to pass smog. I can't afford a car payment, so a new car or used car really isn't an option.

    I would never ask any of you for money or help, but if there is anyway anyone can help me, I'd be forever grateful.... If anyone here has a car they don't need or know someone who does who is willing to give it away to someone really needing it, please let me know. Just having supoprt from everyone would be great. I'm feeling so alone and really down right now.

    I'm not worried so much about the finances or the car, as I am about my heart and whether I'm going to be OK on the other side of this.

    I need a new car and a new man. Well, the car is an immediate need, the man can wait since I'm in no place to date anyone else yet.


    You are not the stupid one. You were trying to be nice and got taken advantage of, goin through the same thing here.
    Husband had a heat stroke three years ago and I took care of him the whole time even though I am disabled myself.
    (you may remember my rant on the boards at the time)
    Dealt with the morons at work, L&I, the hospitals drs etc.
    He is now having an affair and I do not believe that it is the first time.
    The problem for him now is she sent me a text by accident (maybe) and now he is busted.
    As soon as I can afford it I will file for divorce.
    He has a gambling problem as well and spent 8 months in jail for leaving our son home alone when I was at work.

    Honestly I would appreciate prayers that he just goes away, I have been dealing with this for 14 years and I am totally finsihed.
    Thanks in advance
    Karin

    queen

    Karen - so sorry to hear about the pain your husband has put you through. Maybe he will just move out on his own. I can't blame you for wanting a divorce and time will heal the pains. Wishing you the very best and prayers being said for you and your son.
    avatar
    socalshakin

    Posts : 344
    Join date : 2010-02-17
    Age : 36
    Location : Oxnard, CA

    Re: Everything is f*cked in my life at the moment.

    Post  socalshakin on Wed 28 Apr 2010, 3:51 am

    I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I certainly have nothing to complain about compared to you. I wish you the best in moving forward and getting out of that situation after so long.


    I seemed to have work things out and I hope all works out for you as well, one way or another..

    Hugs and love to you!

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