John Kettler Sun 21 Feb 2010, 2:46 am
Shortly after my last post, the hammer came down--on a bunch of vital fronts. Had already been forced back to bed, but this was what you get when you combine extreme, deep, sustained venting with the emptying of all your stuff in endless rapid succession. Am talking every low thought, every negative opinion of you you've ever heard, every belief in inadequacy, in lack and limitation, warped training you deserved punishment, lousy nurturing and the beliefs it fostered, plus way, way more. Thought I'd drown in the ick, but managed to make some headway by changing terrified ego response to noticing, acknowledging and releasing whatever it was and the need for it. When this process was at tornadic intensity at 4:30 p.m. PST was when I was "told" "Reset's begun!" Judging from the wholesale upending of pretty much my entire life in the last few hours, I believe it!
Everything seems to be in upheaval, everything seems to be up at once and in my face, my ego and inner child are freaking out, yet I'm still sane, am managing to not be stampeded by my ego, am calming my inner child--all while being emphatically "told" to "Be, not do" and to "Relax as much as possible," not to mention stay out of my head. All in all, this seems like the most extreme form of a massive, on all levels, healing crisis. I "ought" to be a gibbering, tear-stained wreck in the corner, but I feel, when not battling being upside down, remarkably calm and poised. Not only do I feel like I'm straddling multiple realities, but I also seem stuck between awake and asleep.
It's 6:41 p.m. PST, and virtually the entire day has been spent laid up and in processing and clearing overdrive. Am most interested to know what sorts of experiences the rest of you may be/are having, whether you got a "Reset's begun!" message, if so, when, and what has happened since, if anything?
John